Balance & Beyond Podcast

Feeling stuck in your career despite your outstanding work?

You might be caught in the high performer trap—a frustrating place where your exceptional skills keep you valued right where you are, while leadership opportunities pass you by.

This eye-opening episode reveals the five hidden reasons ambitious women get overlooked for promotions, highlighting surprising ways your strengths might actually be holding you back. From building your reputation as the indispensable "go-to person" to measuring your worth by tasks completed rather than impact created, these patterns create an invisible ceiling on your career advancement.

We dive deep into why waiting for recognition (rather than claiming it), lacking time for strategic thinking, and prioritizing being liked over being respected can fundamentally limit your leadership potential. Most importantly, you'll discover how these patterns aren't just external obstacles—they're deeply connected to internal conditioning that affects how you show up at work.

The journey from high performer to true leader requires more than just working harder or "leaning in"—it demands understanding how your brain works, establishing powerful boundaries, and releasing people-pleasing tendencies that keep you from commanding the respect you deserve. By recognizing these traps, you can begin dismantling them and create space for genuine leadership to emerge.

Ready to break through these barriers and elevate your career? This episode provides the crucial first step—recognizing what's really holding you back. For those ready to take action, our new Elevate leadership program offers women-specific strategies for claiming your leadership power without compromising your authentic self. Visit balanceinstitute.com/elevate to learn how you can transform from being merely valued to being truly seen as the leader you know you can be.

Episode Transcript

INTRO: Welcome to Balance and Beyond, the podcast for ambitious women who refuse to accept burnout as the price of success. Here, we’re committed to empowering you with the tools and strategies you need to achieve true balance, where your career, relationships and health all thrive, and where you have the power to define success on your own terms. I honour the space you’ve created for yourself today, so take a breath, and let's dive right in…

If you have ever been passed over for promotion, or are scared that you may be, then this episode is for you. I’ve noticed some very common trends lately around why women are not getting promoted, why they're not even being put forward, why they're not being considered — and particularly the fifth one here is going to blow your mind as to what's really going on.

So let's dive straight in.So many women come to me incredibly frustrated and they say, "Jo, you know, I've done all the things, I've done all the work. I've actually been acting up in this position for six months, and yet it’s come time to allocate the role, or it’s come time for, you know, an announcement of a promotion or a promotion round — and I didn’t get it."

And they are pissed. They are so, so, so annoyed because they feel like they’ve done all the things, they've put in the hard yards, they've delivered the work, they've delivered to an extraordinary quality — and yet, they didn’t get it. So today, I’m going to share with you five key reasons why you are not being promoted, what is stopping you from stepping into your full leadership potential, and what is going to plateau your career — if it hasn’t already.

First up — are you the go-to person? I used to be called Chief Fire Warden, Problem Solver, Doer of the Impossible. If I had a dollar for every time someone said, “Hey Jo, got a minute?” “Hey Jo, do you know where—?” “Hey Jo, do you know who—?” Oh my God, it was insane. I had made myself the go-to person, and I seemed to quickly get into this position regardless of how long I’d actually been in an organization — which was crazy, because often I didn’t know all the information. It wasn’t like I was a legacy person. 

I tended to last around three years at each place. But just because of the way my brain worked, I could put things together. This is something that many women thrive on, and they think it makes them invaluable. They think, “You know, I'm important. I'm in every meeting because everyone’s coming to me.” Yep — it fuels your ego, and it can make you feel good. However, I guarantee it will stop you from getting promoted if this has become part of your personal brand in the workforce — if this has become part of your ego and part of how you see yourself.

Now, I know you're probably thinking, “Jo, what's the alternative? No one ever comes to me?” That’s not it. It’s about: how do they solve the problems themselves, rather than you being the solution to everything? Which brings us back to the go-to. People also have a personal brand that is very much based on output — how much I can do, how much I can produce. I know I used to walk out of a meeting and, you know, Simon had one action item and I had five. Hang on a second — this is his stuff. Why am I walking out with all this stuff to do? Never-ending lists.

So yes, I could solve the impossible, and nobody else could do it. “Give it to Jo,” and I would manage to fix it. Again — go-to person. However, I was valued — and, in truth, I valued myself — based on how much I could do, not on how I thought. Key distinction — when your personal brand is built on output instead of outcomes, you can only go so far. Because at a particular level of leadership, it becomes a lot less about “the doing.” It now becomes about how you think. It becomes about how you empower others, how you get others to step up and think for themselves, rather than just being this do-do-do-do-do-do doer.

And part of the reason so many women burn out is they've got this go-to-person brand built on output. Then they start stepping into leadership, where now they're meant to be known for how they think — but the only time they have to think is from 10 to midnight on the couch, because they’re busy spending all their time doing things for everybody else.

This is the leadership plateau — and almost chasm — that we span. I call it the burnout zone. And you will only be able to step up to greater levels of leadership, and really step into your potential, if you can overcome all five of these — let’s call them traps or myths — that guarantee to keep you stuck. Next up — on top of being a go-to person, on top of having a brand built on output instead of outcomes...

Another key challenge that so many face — and this one really hurts, because I know I used to do this a lot — is I used to wait for recognition, rather than claiming it. I would fish for compliments. I was really, really good at putting the team first and coming in behind the team, saying, “We did it as a team,” and then I’d get resentful when I wasn’t ever given any credit. I would be resentful when I wasn’t acknowledged — because I kept putting the team first in this mistaken belief that if I put myself at the front, then I’m not being a team player, the team won’t accept me, I’ll get a big head.

And that was one of my biggest triggers — being around lots of people who I thought had very big egos, who were full of themselves, who didn’t actually do any work, who didn’t actually produce anything, were full of hot air, and yet kept getting promoted around me. That was a really, really big trigger for me. So, rather than claiming any recognition, credit, or opportunity, I would wait for it. I would seek it out. I would ask for permission. I would go around saying, “What do you think?” and “What do you think?” And I would dress up my quest for recognition as excessive collaboration.

And when you’ve been brought up as a bit of a feedback junkie — as somebody who needs that external validation, who needs someone to give her permission to keep going and to move — it came less and less, and it became this huge vacuum. So I would almost go out in search of it. And it was only when a dear colleague, at one point, said to me, “Jo, what are you asking me for? Like, you know what you’re talking about — you’re the expert here.” And I went, “Oh. You’re right. Why am I asking you? You don’t actually know. Why am I giving more credence to your ideas?”

And I would then get in a fight with some of these people because I’d ask them for their ideas — I’d ask them what they thought about something — which was really my way of validating what I already wanted. And then I’d get annoyed that they didn’t align with me. Of course they didn’t. They didn’t know what they were talking about. And yet I was going to them almost with my hand out, saying, “Please, please, can I have some more? Please, can you tell me I’m doing a good job? Please?”

And it was very much this deferential hiding — really, of my true self — because I didn’t believe I could put myself out there. Right? This is a very common challenge women have — we often see men putting themselves out there, stepping into their power and claiming credit, ideas, money, promotions — and we sit there and stomp our feet, going, “Nobody hears me! I said that thing three weeks ago, and now John has gone and said it in a meeting and he’s getting all the credit.” It happens all the time.

And it’s because we don’t know how to really step up and position ourselves to hold the power that we need to hold — to play the political game. It’s not something we’ve ever been taught. Boys were taught this at a young age. They were taught how to negotiate for the truck. They were taught. And girls were told to just sit there, not rock the boat, and be quiet. It’s not our fault. You’re not doing anything wrong here.

And yet — there is an amazing opportunity if you’re able to turn around and say, “Okay, I’m actually going to learn these things that I have never been taught.” As you now stop being the go-to person, and you build a brand on outcomes rather than output, and you start claiming your recognition — you're now three of the five steps through starting to be seen as a leader.There are some trends in the three that I’ve shared and the two more to come.

This is that you have to let go of a lot of stuff. You have to do a lot of internal work to make it through this. This isn't just about leaning in, bucking up, and taking your seat at the table — because you will be in complete misalignment if you don’t feel, internally, I deserve to be here, or I need to ask permission to be here. When you speak, you still won’t be heard — because you’re misaligned.

This is how women become magnetic: when they can own their power, own their worth, stop asking for permission. They can say exactly the same thing as you — but it lands differently. Everyone hears it because of how she speaks and because of how she carries herself. This is the deep internal work that is so important to step into your power.

Next up — and this is no surprise — when you’re the go-to person, you’re putting out fires. You’re based on output. That’s how you value yourself. Being a "get shit done" person, you get stuck in the weeds and have no time apart from midnight for big-picture thinking. This is usually because a key trend through all of this is that, if you're a woman who is stuck with these paradigms, you probably also don't know how to hold boundaries because you don't know who you are.

If this is how you operate, if you resonate with any of this, then these are all very, very high people-pleasing tendencies, which means you don't know where you end and another person begins. So, it’s going to be incredibly difficult for you to actually hold boundaries — whether that’s boundaries to disconnect from work, boundaries for space to do deep thinking, or opportunities to work on that project, that report, or even time to just noodle over an idea and think, "Oh, there's this thing, and I can see how we could improve it."

When you are stuck firefighting and in complete cortisol overload, you will never be able to get out of this. And a symptom of being stuck in the weeds is you may have been told that you're "not strategic." So many women are being told that they're not strategic, and it's not that they can't be strategic. It's that they don't have these other skills and tools around them to allow their strategic brain to step up. And usually, when they can learn to hold boundaries, when they can stop being the go-to person, when they can actually have the time and headspace to focus on outcomes, they can be strategic. They've just never learned how to create the space to do so. Too much of their self-worth is tied up in...

Being stuck in the weeds is being that go-to person, and you're so addicted to dopamine, which is what happens when you're making lists of lists of lists, ticking things off, and then, oh, remembering something you did yesterday that wasn't on your list, and adding it to the list to tick it off. It's because you're a dopamine junkie. You're in constant search of a high, and you don't know how to break down the more strategic work in a way that your brain can absorb it. 

This is what dopamine does—it goes for the quick win. That's why you're probably always brought back to your inbox, your social media, your teams, Slack, or wherever you operate, because you want to tick that off and get that dopamine hit. If you don't know how to intentionally cultivate and give yourself dopamine hits from the big strategic work, you will always gravitate to what we’ll call weedy or menial tasks, simply because you haven't learned how to manage your brain. 

So, it's a really, really big part of what we do: teaching you how to understand what is going on in there. That big thing in your noggin, between your ears, is usually driving you. You are completely hijacked by a variety of hormones, whether it's cortisol, adrenaline, or dopamine, and you're not able to be intentional with how you operate. This is why you can feel really reactive and torn between different areas, because you're just bouncing around like popcorn. Your brain wants to do this. Your brain wants to open your email. Your brain wants to go here. “All the washing is done!” “Let me go!” No, hang on a second. You don't have ADHD. 

Very often, this is about you learning to control your brain, and all of these habits that you have, all of these ways of operating, are what is going to keep you stuck and prevent you from getting promoted. Last one — have I hit a chord here? Are you sitting here thinking, "Oh my gosh, this is actually the feedback I've been given in the past," or perhaps you can see yourself in this? 

And if you haven’t already been passed over for a promotion, there might be a chance that this is coming down the pipeline for you. Whether there's a desire to elevate your career further than you have now, if you want to take on more responsibilities, that’s not going to be possible while you are stuck being a high performer. Let me clarify: there’s a difference between a high performer and a leader. High performers hit a plateau. Leaders have an unlimited ceiling. So, this is up to you — where do you want to be? 

And then, finally, a really big challenge for so many women, and this comes down to our conditioning as children and how we've been raised, is that we want to be liked instead of respected. If you worry about what people think of you, if you worry about letting people down, if you say yes when you mean no because you're the go-to person and your brand is built on output, you don't step into conflict. You don't say the thing; you swallow the thing you really wanted to say in the meeting because you are terrified that if people don't like you, you are going to be kicked out of the tribe. 

And if that happens, what does that mean about you? Your worth is only based on the fact that people like you. If they don't like you, that completely challenges your identity. And if a part of you ever considers yourself helpful, if that's part of your identity, then this is likely to be turned up for you because helpful people often want to be perceived as nice people, and that can often be the reason they help — because they want people to like them. 

The hard truth is, when you become a leader, people aren't always going to like what you have to say because sometimes you have to say hard things. Sometimes you have to let people go. Sometimes you have to not share things that you know because you're not allowed to. What matters more is that you shift from not being liked to being respected. People will start to follow you because of who you are. I'm not saying that you're going to turn into a (negative). 

I'm not saying that you're going to be rude. I'm not saying that you're going to be bossy — usually, things that women are absolutely terrified of becoming. But there is an opportunity for you to earn the respect of everyone around you. Interestingly, they’re actually going to like you more when they respect you first, instead of saying, “Oh, she’s such a nice girl. Oh, she’s such a nice woman. She’s so nice, she’s friendly to everyone, and she says yes to everything. She always puts her hand up to bake the cupcakes and she gets coffees for everyone.”

And hang on a second. Yes, that might be part of your identity, but is that how you want to be perceived by everyone? Is that the mark of a true leader? Instead of being someone who knows her worth, who speaks her truth, and who might say the uncomfortable thing in a meeting — that’s okay for you to do.

If any of these resonate with you — these five signs: being the go-to person, being output-focused instead of outcome-focused, waiting for recognition or seeking a lot of permission, being stuck in the weeds with no time for big picture thinking, or wanting to be liked — then you, my friend, are stuck in the high performer trap. You aren’t going to be seen as leadership material, certainly not to the potential that you have. And your chances of burning out are exceptionally high because there’s a whole range of conditioning and behaviors I mentioned earlier: no boundaries, wanting to be liked, people-pleasing, probably perfectionistic tendencies that also underpin this.

These will also stop you from stepping up and truly elevating your career to the level you want it to be now. If you are ready, if you’re someone who is done being seen as a high performer and truly wants to become the leader you know you can be, then the doors are open right now to my brand-new leadership program, called Elevate. This is where I’m going to teach you the new rules of leadership that apply to women — the tools, the strategies that we’ve never been taught. We’ve never been shown how to operate in a man’s world without becoming one of them. 

So, I’m not going to tell you to become bossy. I’m not going to tell you to become a bitch. I’m going to teach you how your brain really works, what your feminine superpowers are, and how you can unleash them so that you can elevate your career. I want you to elevate your health, your relationships, and everything in your life. I love leadership stuff, and this is the first opportunity I’ve had to really sink my teeth into a lot of leadership content that is already in my existing Balance and Beyond program. This is going to be live modules over six weeks. You’re going to get a lot of me, and you’ll be part of a great community of women who are all really ready to step up because that’s what we need — more women who are ready to step up. Together, we’re going to break through so many of these barriers and start moving forward.

So, if you are ready to elevate, visit balanceinstitute.com/forward-slash/elevate. I want you to be seen as the leader you know you can be. I want you to escape the high performer trap. So, if you're ready, come and join me. I look forward to seeing you there.

OUTRO: Thank you for joining us today on the Balance and Beyond Podcast. We're so glad you carved out this time for yourself. If you enjoyed this episode, please share it with a friend who might need to hear this today. And if you're feeling extra generous, leaving us a review on your podcast platform of choice would mean the world. If you’re keen to dive deeper into our world, visit us at www.balanceinstitute.com to discover more about the toolkit that has helped thousands of women avoid burnout and create a life of balance, and beyond. Thanks again for tuning in, and we'll see you next time on the Balance & Beyond Podcast.