Balance & Beyond Podcast

Burnout is not the price of ambition.

On Balance & Beyond, we challenge the notion that achieving success means accepting exhaustion and guilt as constants in your life. Burnout doesn't discriminate; it affects high achievers, including ambitious women and perfectionists, who often feel pressured to shoulder burdens alone. We spotlight the necessity of seeking help and breaking free from toxic patterns that accelerate burnout. This episode sheds light on why it's crucial to recognize that burnout isn't a badge of honor but a signal to reevaluate how you're living and working.

Join us as we redefine burnout management beyond the outdated notion that more vacations or better time management are the solutions. Instead, we emphasize the importance of understanding and addressing the emotional roots of stress. Through personal stories and the concept of the "three D's of change"—divorce, disease, and death—we illustrate how crucial life events can serve as wake-up calls to confront burnout. We explore how personal patterns and belief systems, rather than just long hours, drive burnout, and empower you to identify what you can control. Together, we'll debunk myths, challenge misconceptions, and equip you with insights to reclaim balance and thrive in both your professional and personal life.

Episode Transcript

INTRO: Welcome to Balance and Beyond, the podcast for ambitious women who refuse to accept burnout as the price of success. Here, we’re committed to empowering you with the tools and strategies you need to achieve true balance, where your career, relationships and health all thrive, and where you have the power to define success on your own terms. I honour the space you’ve created for yourself today, so take a breath, and let's dive right in…

There is so much stuff about burnout out there at the moment. It is rife, it is increasing, and so, on today's episode, we are going to cut through all the fluff. I'm going to be debunking five of the biggest myths about burnout.

These myths are bumping into me all the time. I hear them on my phone, and we need to put them to rest because it's the only way that we're going to help women get out of burnout.

First up, the other side. Most women assume that burnout is inevitable and that it's the price we pay for being ambitious. It is inevitable and the price we pay for being ambitious, for having a family, for wanting to have it all.

I've had women on the phone with me—and I am not joking when I say this—who are literally looking forward to hitting burnout and having to go to the hospital because, at least then, everyone might leave them alone, and they might get some rest. People are almost looking forward to getting sick because it gives them an excuse not to have to work or to put everything down.

I've had women say to me, "Yeah, we've got a bet going in my firm." A group of lawyers said this to me: "Yeah, we're curious which one of us is going to burn out first. I'm going for two and a half years, my colleague is going for three years, and another colleague is going for 12 months."

There seems to be this assumption that when you are ambitious, when you do want to have a career, especially when you add in a family, you don't have a choice. That burnout is going to happen to you—it's just a matter of when and how bad it's going to be. We need to put that to bed because just because it's common doesn't mean that it's normal. Burnout is not inevitable.

People, I want to shake everybody and say, come on, this is nuts! We have normalized exhaustion. We have normalized feeling guilty. We have normalized running on empty. And because it seems to be everywhere, we've just assumed, well, it's the price I pay.

I know that's where I was. I assumed that because everyone I spoke to felt the way I did. I assumed that because I didn't see a pathway out, I just had to suck it up—and that's what happened. Interestingly, I didn't actually realize that I was in burnout because I assumed burnout meant hospitalization, divorce, or, you know, my body completely breaking down to the point where I couldn't get out of bed. But that's probably only 1% or 2% of burnout cases.

There are so many women living with various degrees of overwhelm, exhaustion, and all kinds of health issues, and they just assume that it's part of life. So, first and foremost, we have to debunk this myth—that burnout is inevitable, that you don't have a choice, and that you are going to fall victim to it at some point in your life.

If nothing else, if you take nothing else away from this podcast, know that it doesn't have to be this way. I know the data's not on our side. I saw a report recently that said 75% of female professionals feel burnt out most of the time. There are stats everywhere, from everyone, and the numbers are usually over 50%.

I think the challenge can be… The word burnout itself can be nebulous. Yes, you know, it's this sort of constant state of fatigue—feeling, literally, like you are a burnt match. But that feeling is different for everyone. Everyone's experience of burnout can be different, and no surprise.

Women like us tend to compare ourselves all the time. So we say, Well, I'm not as bad as so-and-so. I'm not as bad as so-and-so who wound up in the hospital. If they kept going past where I am now, then I must have to keep going too. Which brings us to point number two. Myth number two—let's call it that—is the belief that only the weak succumb to burnout.

There's this idea that if you burn out, there's shame attached to it. That you couldn't hack it. That you didn't work hard enough. That you didn't push through and grind. That something made you collapse. I'm here to tell you—I have seen hundreds upon hundreds of high achievers, and there is nothing weak about any single one of them.

Burnout doesn't discriminate. It doesn’t care if you are weak or strong. It doesn’t care if you’re single or in a relationship. It doesn’t care whether you're a parent or not. It just comes down to this: Are you following these patterns? Do you have this conditioning? Do you have this belief system? And then—that’s it. Burnout can become a part of life, and unfortunately, as we know, it’s all too common.

Interestingly, those who push themselves really, really hard—who have this belief that I don’t want to be weak, I have to push, I have to be strong—actually end up succumbing to burnout faster. Part of the burnout curve I talk about is that perfectionists, people-pleasers, and a lot of women in general have been brought up to believe that we can do everything ourselves. I'm pretty sure one of my first full sentences was: I do it myself.

I know many women who relate to this sort of fierce independence that we have. But when things start to take a turn, it becomes increasingly difficult for us to say, Oh, I need a little help with this. And then comes the shame—because we should be able to figure it out. If we have to ask for help, then we must be weak. There must be something wrong with us. Because if we could just toughen up, be better organized, and plan better, then we wouldn’t be feeling this way.

So when we have this stigma—that only the weak succumb to burnout—it reinforces the pattern of not wanting to ask for help. Because we somehow think that asking for help is weak.

I want to bust this myth—anyone can be susceptible to burnout. It is not a sign of weakness. In fact, waking up and realizing that you don’t want to feel this way anymore takes a lot of courage. It can actually be easier to stay on the treadmill, trying to be more efficient at how fast you're running.

Get on that hamster wheel, right? How can I be more efficient at going round and round? Let me go round and round faster! Maybe I can beat the other person and go even faster on this wheel. It takes a special kind of person to say, You know what? I don’t have to feel this way. I feel like crap—what if there’s another way?

That takes courage. It takes conviction. And it takes compassion to put up your hand and say, There has to be another way. I don’t know where it is, and I don’t know what it is, but something inside me says I’ve got to do this. So if you are someone who is in the process of putting up your hand or Googling signs of burnout, know that that takes a huge amount of strength.

Anyone you go to for help—whether it’s a friend, a colleague, a coach, a psychologist—needs to honor you in making that decision. They need to respect that you are putting down all that conditioning and saying, I’m not prepared to live this way anymore. Hopefully, we’ve turned this myth on its head. You can now see that escaping this paradigm so many women are trapped in takes courage—and it is an escape button you will never, ever, ever regret pressing.

The third myth that just does my head in is when women say to me, Jo, I just need some time management strategies. I'm burnt out, but I know I must be able to be better organized. Is there a better way for me to manage my calendar? You know, you seem to be able to fit a lot in your day. How do you do it? I want some efficiency tips, because if I can somehow squeeze even more into my day than I already am, that somehow, magically, is going to stop me from feeling burnt out.

I’m laughing because it has nothing to do with time management. Of course, I teach people in my programs how to manage their time. But what really has to shift is your identity—how you value your time, how you see your worth as a unit of time, and how you prioritize output over outcomes.

So, if you are sitting in this paradigm of Googling how to be more efficient, color-coding your calendar, or thinking, Let me get an AI app that helps me be even more productive—yes, those things can be great in terms of improving efficiency.

But if you are trapped in a cycle of procrastination, overwhelm, overthinking, and not having any boundaries, time management isn’t going to work for you. It might buy you five minutes here and five minutes there, but, to be honest, what I see in women who are burnt out is that women are inherently organized. 

We're juggling lots of different things. We've got notes from kids at school, this spot on the weekend, a birthday party, and something due for our boss. So, we're holding all the things. Yes, we've got 40 million tabs open.

However, the real challenge is our inability to focus. We can't focus on one thing because all of these things are screaming at us. The 40 million tabs are open, and they're all asking us to deal with them right here and right now. So, we become incredibly scattered. We become almost addicted to dopamine and constant task switching. But we tell ourselves, Well, I don’t have a choice. Have you seen my list? I’ve got to get through it all.

We feel like we’ve got to do it, and we’ve got to talk faster, and we’ve got to keep going, faster and faster. I used to be like that. I know I’m Australian, and we tend to talk fast, but I’m also naturally a fast talker. However, learning to slow down as a way to speed up—I know we’ve heard it a million times—but I never actually really understood what that meant.

My journey toward burnout started off like probably many of you listening—with how to be better organized. But that is like trying to slap a Band-Aid on a hemorrhaging artery. It's got nothing to do with it. What I have found, which I find quite fascinating, is that it’s not really about where you can find more time. It’s not about that 10-minute block here or squeezing more out of this. It’s actually about where you're leaking time.

And this is where your self-sabotage behaviors come in—whether it’s your people-pleasing, your lack of boundaries, saying yes when you don’t want to, or your emotional constipation, as we like to call it here (excuse the crass word). It’s where you are so emotionally blocked, so numb, that you can't actually feel anything. This is what is hijacking your brain and leaking huge amounts of time. So, instead of it being about time, it is usually...

You need to learn to better manage your emotions, because that is what is hijacking your time. The crazy thing is, you don't even realize it. You have no idea that this is what's going on, because you’ve become so numb, so frozen, and so immune to what’s actually happening in your body, your brain, your ecosystem, and your nervous system to boot. 

So, you do not need to be better organized. You need to learn to manage your emotions. You need to start putting down the time management tools and focus on what is really going to shift the dial and move you out of burnout. So, we’ve covered it’s not inevitable, and it’s not weak to succumb to burnout. For God's sake, it’s not about time management strategies. These are three big myths, but the last two are probably more... Let's say, pervasive and more deeply rooted in our psyche. They can seem obvious on the surface.

So, the next myth I hear all the time is, I just need a holiday. I'm just hanging out for the next break. Let me go sit on an island. I won’t take the laptop, I’ll leave my phone, take a book, a cocktail, and a palm tree, and that’s going to make me feel better. Well, I hate to break it to you, but anyone who has tried this approach knows—it’s another Band-Aid solution. Within 30 minutes of being back to work after your holiday, you haven’t actually fixed any of the underlying problems that are causing your burnout, and so it’s going to be right back to where it was.

Now, I’m not saying don’t take a break. I’m not saying don’t rest—have a long weekend, spend the day in bed if you need to. But there’s a difference between Band-Aiding and not actually being willing to look at the things causing your burnout, versus putting your hand up and saying, Alright, I’m actually ready to deal with the root cause now.

I actually want to stop this problem in the first place. I’m ready to go to places that might be scary. It takes huge amounts of courage, but this is the only way we stop women from burning out. So, if you’re believing that when you get on holiday, or when you get through the birthday season, or when the kids are back at school, or when you’re through the next quarter, somehow there’s this magical time when it’s all going to get easier—I'm afraid you're mistaken.

As someone who burned out when my kids were quite little, I remember saying, Well, you know, when Stella sleeps through the night, then it’s going to be much better. And then when we get her onto solids, it’ll be better. And then when she goes to daycare, oh, that’s gonna make everything so much better. And then it’s like, When she gets to school, and you get to school and think, Oh my God, school is so incompatible with working life. It gets worse.

Then you think, Oh, you know, when they get older, when they get more independent, then it’ll be much better. Well, I can tell you, I’ve got a 14-year-old girl who’s incredibly active, and yeah sure, I can leave her at home occasionally, but do you have any idea how much driving is required? Do you have any idea what emotional let's call it support challenges, hormones, that you have to deal with?

So, it never gets easier. It changes. It morphs. But there is never, ever going to be a better time to deal with this. What I tend to find is that when it comes to burnout—probably my sample size is a bit different, but I would suggest at least half of the women who come to me have hit one of what we call the three D’s of change.

They’ve either come close to divorce, so their relationship is on the brink of breaking down, whether they’re seeing lawyers or getting papers drawn up. Or, it’s disease that has made them go, Okay, my health is suffering, I cannot continue to go on like this. The other one is death—whether it’s the death of a family member, a parent, a friend, or usually some kind of disease. That’s the wake-up call to, Oh my gosh, I can’t. Life is short. I cannot keep living like this.

So if you’re waiting until this, my friend, is your invitation to turn around and say, I am going to stop waiting. I am going to ensure that I am ready to deal with the root causes of what really is going on.

Then, once you’ve dealt with the root causes, you can actually really enjoy a holiday. It becomes this supercharged opportunity for you to do more deep work and really restore your nervous system because you’ve dealt with the root causes. So when you get back to work, you’re even more rested, well-topped-up, and not continually triggered by what’s going on.

So, fingers crossed, even though this episode is probably dropping sometime in early 2025, holidays might be a distant memory. Do not hang on for the next one. And then, lastly... it’s going to sound counterintuitive, and it’s partially true and partially not. So, hear me out.

Most women assume that work is the cause of their burnout—that they need to change jobs, that it’s the industry, that it’s their toxic workplace, that it’s the boss, that it’s the expectations. So, maybe I need a career change, maybe I need to retrain, maybe I need to swap the industry I’m working in, because no matter which organization I go into, it’s going to be this way. This can be somewhat true, but it’s a lot false. So, let me explain.

Work is typically where we spend the most amount of time. You know, 30, 40, 50—heaven knows, if you haven’t worked with me yet, 60, 70, 80 hours a week. And there are some cultures that promote long hours, that promote, you know, they might have billables, they might have targets. Okay, but I’ve worked with a lot of women in those environments who were burning out, and when they get the tools they need to learn how to cope, they can actually still thrive in those environments.

So, there is not a direct correlation between the number of hours that you work or the industry you work in and burnout. What I see is that work is typically the place where most of your patterns play out. So, yes, work is the cause. But when I talk to most clients who come my way, I’ll say, So, what’s been the pattern? Did you feel like this at your last job?

“Oh, yeah, yeah, I did.”

And how about in the industry you were in prior to that one? Did you have this similar problem?

“Well, it wasn’t quite the same, but actually, now you mention it, yeah, I kind of did feel like this.”

And how about...

“Oh yeah, when I was a teenager, I also had...”

Okay, so the common denominator between all of these workplaces is you.

So, yes, work can be contributing to your burnout, but the reason it’s contributing to your burnout is because you let it. It’s because of your patterns, because of your belief system.

Now, I’m not suggesting that there aren’t women who come and work with me who, shortly after, decide they want a career change—perhaps the environment they’re in isn’t conducive to them being there for themselves. But there’s a difference between deciding that, you know what, you need to find balance to avoid burnout.

You're making this choice from a really empowered, strategic place, versus people who are going, I can’t cope. It’s the job, it’s the industry—hit the eject button, hope to land somewhere else and hope that it’s all better. And yet, the patterns follow. So, if you are in a place where you feel like the job is causing you to burn out, I would really encourage you to get curious and understand how much of it is the job versus how much of it is perhaps your lack of boundaries, your inability to say no, or your inability to focus.

Are you procrastinating? Are you living off cortisol? Are you doing three people's jobs and not being compensated for it? Are you not being heard? Are you overthinking things? Are you over-preparing things? Now, I’m not saying that your work may not have a role to play in this, but, as you gathered from that big, long list that I just gave you, there is a huge amount within your control in any workplace.

I’ve worked with doctors who have to work 12 to 15-hour shifts because that’s just the way the hospital system works. They might want to work less, but they’re contractually obligated to work a certain number of hours. So, how do you ensure that, if you are in one of those environments, you have the tools to not burn out?

I’ve had so many women, whether it’s in those environments, law firms, or high-pressure executive roles, and what I love is that they’re on the verge of quitting or are on stress leave. I’ve had people call me from the hospital, convinced they have to leave, thinking it’s all about the job. But then they come in and learn how to avoid burnout. They explore the root causes, take responsibility, and hold themselves accountable for changing what’s within their control.

And here’s the kicker: a large number of them, if they still love what they do, can finally figure that out. With the new headspace, strong boundaries, and fresh rules, they return to their workplaces with a renewed sense of purpose. They have the hard conversations, and as a result, they thrive. They get promoted, and they actually love their work.

So, it doesn’t have to be that just because you're burnt out and you think work is the cause, you have to quit. You don’t have to leave your industry. What you need to do is get to the root cause of your burnout, so that no matter where you work or what you do, those same patterns don’t follow you.

So there you have it—the top five biggest myths about burnout. I hope you’ve walked away from this episode with a fresh perspective. Whether it’s now having the courage to put up your hand and say, “I need some help”. And of course, you know where to find us because we can help you—or maybe it’s a new meaning you’re putting on that holiday, or a different way you’re going to look at work. Whatever it is, let’s bust those myths and get to the truth of what really is causing you to feel burnt out. I’ll see you next time on Balance and Beyond.

OUTRO: Thank you for joining us today on the Balance and Beyond Podcast. We're so glad you carved out this time for yourself. If you enjoyed this episode, please share it with a friend who might need to hear this today. And if you're feeling extra generous, leaving us a review on your podcast platform of choice would mean the world. If you’re keen to dive deeper into our world, visit us at www.balanceinstitute.com to discover more about the toolkit that has helped thousands of women avoid burnout and create a life of balance, and beyond. Thanks again for tuning in, and we'll see you next time on the Balance & Beyond Podcast.