Balance & Beyond Podcast

Unlock the secret to redefining success on your own terms and breaking the burnout cycle with our latest episode featuring mindset coach Jaclyn.

Say goodbye to superficial self-care rituals and hello to transformative habits that genuinely enhance your well-being. We promise you'll learn how to shift from information overload to focused, actionable changes, empowering you to implement "snack-sized" habits that make a significant impact. Together, Jacqueline and I tackle the root causes of burnout, urging you to rethink what success truly means and how it can be a source of nourishment and joy.

Join us as we challenge the status quo of high-intensity workouts equating to self-worth and delve into the liberating world of restorative practices. We uncover the dangers of emotional suppression and introduce you to the concept of "emotional constipation," offering insights into how processing emotions can lead to greater creativity and self-connection. With Jacqueline's guidance, we explore how embracing devotion over discipline can revolutionize your approach to exercise, ultimately redefining success as a state of well-being rather than a constant race. This episode is a must-listen for anyone ready to embrace a more balanced and fulfilling life.

Episode Transcript

INTRO: Welcome to Balance and Beyond, the podcast for ambitious women who refuse to accept burnout as the price of success. Here, we’re committed to empowering you with the tools and strategies you need to achieve true balance, where your career, relationships and health all thrive, and where you have the power to define success on your own terms. I honour the space you’ve created for yourself today, so take a breath, and let's dive right in…

Jo Host

Entering into 2025, most of us are keen for a bit of a refresh, a restart, a new year's resolution, an opportunity to kick things off in the new year with a difference. But today, we want to bring you a new perspective on how successful women really take care of themselves, and introduce you to five new, let's call them, “snack-sized habits for success.” 

We really want to avoid the word “self-care”, where it's “pink-washed”, and it's about bubble baths, and all those things. We actually, today, want to talk to you about what is beyond and below those surface level habits that's actually going to drive real change. And today I'm joined by our wonderful mindset coach here, Jaclyn. Welcome, Jaclyn!

Jaclyn Guest

Hello! So happy to be here! And this is such a juicy topic and one that I think, if people really take it to heart, can make a profound difference in their lives.

Jo Host

Absolutely! So let's talk about how, you know, there is a lot of conventional wisdom out there about bubble baths, and breathwork, and “take care of yourself.” And we call that, “the pink wash”, which is all wonderful! But, most women have already tried that and go, “A bubble bath isn't going to help me with my burnout!” “There's something deeper going on.” 

So, if we were taught, Jaclyn, first off about, you know, when we're talking about these high achieving women, when we're talking about the real transformation that they're looking for, what's one of the first trends that we see that people really need to make the shift from, and to? 

Jaclyn Guest

Yes. So, successful women, one of the habits that they keep that really takes that self-care notion to a deeper level. Beyond the “pink-washing” you were just talking about, is noticing where they are consuming, and consuming, and consuming more information, and attempting to get out of the burnout. That's what we see. Well, women “doing” until they make the shift right into being more selective, like getting really clear on the one thing they need to focus on. 

Like it's a, it could be a new skill, a new concept, a new principle. But, putting all of their attention on just one thing as opposed to a smattering of, “Okay, I need to remember to do this” and “I need to do that”, and “I need to wake up at five in the morning” and “I need to do more, and learn more, and do all the tools”, all that overconsumption. 

And, the successful women who really get out of the burnout in a sustainable fashion, are the ones who are very selective, and targeted where they do this. “What tool?” “What concept?” “What principle are they going to invest in?” To really get out of the burnout cycle. So, that's the first shift that we see. 

Jo Host

Yeah. And there are so many podcasts out there and, hello! You've chosen the right one to listen to today, so congratulations. But also, you know, we meet people who are listening to 16 podcasts, reading 15 books, watching endless YouTube videos, and the irony is, what we're suggesting here that really drives success, is picking one thing and actually implementing it. It's getting away from that belief that more information is the answer. Instead saying, “Actually, you know what?” Implementation and action is actually the answer, isn't it? 

Jaclyn Guest

Yes. That action piece is so important. Because, when you're over-consuming, or trying to do all the things, and then beating yourself up, because you can't do all the things. Because, no one can do all the things! Then, you actually deepen, inadvertently, that cycle of burnout. So, picking something, that's what we call it. “Snack-sized habits.” 

You pick something small, but potent, and target your attention on that one thing and get some traction, get yourself some wins, and that builds confidence in your capacity to move the needle out of burnout. And I think we, especially when we're in burnout, and confidence is nowhere to be found, we need to give ourselves that opportunity to build some cred in ourselves, that we're capable. 

But, when we are asking ourselves to build that credibility of, “I'm capable of getting out of burnout, by moving in too many different directions.” We set ourselves up to fail right? And again, that just begets more of that burnout. 

Jo Host

And if you listen to this podcast on 2x speed in a bid to get through it quicker. So, you can get to the next one. We're talking to you. Heads up! So, first up, we want women to really be selective, and move into action. Next up, with all of this overconsumption, there comes a whole lot of noise, doesn't there? Which brings us to Habit Number Two. 

Jaclyn Guest

Mm-hmm, yeah! So, another habit that we see women come in trying to get out of burnout, is just turning to things that are more band-aid fixes. So, it could be like the breath work, or the massage, and those things are great! There's nothing wrong with them, so to speak. But, if you don't actually get to the real reason why you're in burnout to begin with, then you're just going to feel good for a little bit, while you do the breathwork, or while you receive the massage. It's short-lived and it can be really frustrating, right? 

It's like, “Oh well, I felt better for, or maybe it lasts for an hour” after your massage. And, because the truth is, “Is that the root of why you're in burnout?” Which has to do with something around how you define success. And your standards for, like, “How much you have to prove yourself, and where is your self-worth based?” Those are the places you want to start peeking into. 

“Why do I define success as having to be perfect?” “Why do I define success in the amount that I'm paid, and how high I've climbed on the corporate ladder?” If that's the only way I define success, then that's a lot of pressure that inherently comes with that, and trying to keep that up. So yeah, and yeah, really wanting to look at the root issue, is why you're in burnout. Which, again, has to do with how you define success. 

Jo Host

Absolutely! And this is, I guess, what we really want to encourage you to do, is ensure that you know how to address those root causes. Rather than, you know, continually just “band-aid” everything. Which, like I said, is lovely. But, the band-aids are so much more effective when you actually address the root cause, at the same time. 

Then, the massage? You can not feel guilty while you're doing it. To do this doesn't run through your head. You don't then come out and yell at the kids because you feel guilty, because you took an hour out for yourself and now you owe your husband an hour. You know, there's different ways to do this.

Jaclyn Guest

That's right! So, essentially, to make it a snack-sized habit to actually create true, lasting success for yourself. If you're tuning into this podcast, then maybe pick one area where you see yourself getting stuck, whether it's the perfectionism, or procrastination, or the people-pleasing. We call that “The Triple P”. “The Trifecta.” And our self-sabotage that we teach our women about, and start to get curious about, one of those things. 

And then, you'll start to notice, “Okay, there's actually something deeper going on.” And once you start to look there, you're going to realise, “Oh, there's really something here to explore!” Like, “I just uncovered an iceberg.” Right? And there's so much more that I need to investigate. 

But, it'll give you confidence, because we've had so many people say, “Oh, now that I can see, it was the people pleasing, or the perfectionism, or the procrastination, that led me to try to band-aid it with massages, or whatever.”

“Now that I can see that, I can actually see a way out.” Until you actually see the root cause, until you actually see the root cause, you're stuck, because you're kind of in a fog. You can't see, you don't have clarity. 

Jo Host

No, absolutely. Which brings us onto when you do feel stuck. One of the ways that women really try to get out of it is to, as well as turn down the noise, is to think, “Right, got to move my body”. And the only way to move my body is to work out for 45 minutes, and flog myself, and go really, really hard. Because, if you're not sweating, it's not worth it. Common thing, huh? 

Jaclyn Guest

At least I can, you know, yeah. You have to achieve somewhere. So, if you're not content, perhaps because you're feeling burnt out at work. “Well then, I'm going.” It's a way of establishing credibility with yourself. Like, “See?” “I'm capable, I'm strong, I'm a badass”, and I love that! Like, those are all great. 

But it's just another way that we, that women who come to work with us, that they just hold this impossible to feel peace, kind of standard, right? Like there's, it's always having to prove, achieve bigger, better, higher. It never ends. And then, there's the next goal, to be bigger and better. And, you know, so an exercise can be an easy win. And so women will go to that easy win, so to speak. To try to get some confidence back. 

But, really, it just blows out their adrenals. Their nervous system is already, you know, when they're in burnout, they're already needing more restoration, than they're needing vigorousness. So, it's really quite counter-contraindicated for women in the burnout cycle, to go to that high intensity exercise. So, it just begets more of the burnout, unfortunately. So, this next size shift is to switch from high intensity, to down-regulating exercises that are restorative to the nervous system. 

Jo Host

And, I know, as someone who's worked on my nervous system for a long time. And, with a coach who often will say to me, “Jo, you can't run today.” “You're too tired.” Like, “What do you mean?” So, when you're tired, you go into all kinds of compensatory strategies with your body, with your muscles, to make up for the fact that your brain isn't functioning the way it should. And you get injured really, really fast. 

So, if you're in a constant cycle of back problems, shoulder problems, knee problems, hip problems, because you want to do high intensity exercise. And so many women come to us, “I'm injured”, you know. And then, they get beat up by themselves because, “I can't move.” And then, “I don't want to do yoga.” Because, “That's for pansies.” And you don't sweat when you do yoga. 

Speaking as someone, I can say that because I used to think that I used to be like, “Well, if I'm not sweating, it wasn't worth it.” So, it can be a really tricky shift to make. But, when you do, it's very much, as you said, restorative on your nervous system, which means that you can be sharper, you can focus more, you can access more joy. So, it's beyond just not achieving this supposed goal, that you set for yourself. But, it brings you so much more than that. 

Jaclyn Guest

Yeah, absolutely. Which goes back to what I was saying earlier, around redefining success for yourself. Does it always have to be about the higher, higher achievement, bigger, better? And can it be the success is, the just being nourished. Fancy that right? 

Jo Host

Heaven forbid. Heaven forbid, which brings us on to the next size piece, which is something that we often ignore in any kind of nurturing piece, that we do with ourselves, isn't it? Even though it's actually bumping up and smacking us in the face, most of the time? 

Jaclyn Guest

Yes. So most people in general, but especially high achievers, don't have time to connect with their emotions, and their inner landscape. Yet, it is so costly not to, right? Because, we're all emotional beings, whether we want to admit it or not. And our emotions are part of being human, and it's our beautiful responses to stimulus. 

And so, if we feel grief around something or we feel frustrated or angry around something, but we don't honor that emotion, we try to suppress it, make it go away. It's inconvenient, it's overwhelming, like name it whatever it is. You want to suppress it, make it go away. It's inconvenient, it's overwhelming. Like, name it, you know. Whatever it is, you want to avoid it. 

The more you do that, the more it builds up, and it becomes what I call, “emotional constipation”, and you get backed up. And that's what I mean by being costly. It ends up costing you energy. It costs you your ability to respond in a grounded, empowered fashion. It costs you your ability to make impact and influence as a leader, because you're in the background. You have like, kind of, this running in the background, on discomfort, right? When you're constipated. It's just like, always there, and kind of uncomfortable. Yeah, so yeah. 

Jo Host

But also, you're suppressing. When you're suppressing all of the sadness and the disappointment and the grief and the frustration and the anger, they're all in the one box. So, so many women come to us and say, “Jo, I just don't, I never really feel joy anymore.” “I never feel fun.” “I don't laugh like I used to.” Because with the anger goes the joy and the playfulness and the creativity, and they're all shoved in there, until one day, someone says “How are you?” And you turn into a complete puddle, because you can't hold it in anymore. 

And sometimes, that could be in a meeting. And it's maybe not the appropriate place for you to completely turn into a puddle. So, if you've ever burst into tears in the middle of an innocuous question, or somebody just says something to you and you burst, that's a hint that you are storing up too much, and we need to unblock you, and actually reconnect you to yourself. 

Jaclyn Guest

Yep, yeah, exactly. So, this next size habit is there, making it a practice to simply honour and witness your emotions. And that first step might be a tremendous step for so many people, because it might feel like, “Well, what's the point of just honoring something and not doing anything with it?” And there are things you can do with it, that we teach to the women in our courses, right? 

How to become emotionally agile, really, and artful. and work with your emotions as fuel. “How can it be?” “How can it fuel you to be an even better leader, or better mum, or better wife?” All the things versus, you know, contrary to our instinct, at first, is to squash it to be the better leader, to be the better mum. Like, “If I just get that emotion out of the way, then I can, you know, I can just be calm, and I'll just like, pretend.” “I don't feel angry.” Right? And we force calmness. 

Jo Host

I know. And then we go around and say, you know, “Emotional intelligence is, you know, our superpowers?” Like, well, you actually have to feel the emotions, if you want to. You know, we can be hypervigilant to the emotions of others. But, if we are completely ignorant to what's going on inside ourselves, then you're going to be triggered, you're going to be reacting in different ways, you're going to take things personally, and you're actually not going to be in a position to even lead yourself, let alone anybody else. 

Jaclyn Guest

That's a really good point! So many women, their relationship with emotions is intellectualizing emotions, thinking about emotions, analysing emotions, having stories about emotions, especially others emotions, managing their emotions. But, we're actually quite disconnected from our own intimacy, with our own emotional world. 

And so, what I'm saying for a “snack-size habit”, is to start with simply honouring. “Oh, I feel good, really frustrated, or lonely, or sad, today.” “And I don't have to do anything about it, but just witness it with a compassionate gaze.” And just starting, there is just a beautiful habit that again redefines what success is. It's becoming a whole person. That includes your whole spectrum of humanity, and your emotional landscape, and I think that's a redefinition of a “successful woman” for so many high achievers. 

Jo Host

Yeah, who also gives us permission to be messy sometimes, because we're human, and we're not going to have it all together, and we will fumble, and we will feel something that's not convenient. So, that's also a big part of this. It’s really embracing the mess that is humanity, yeah. Which brings us to the last point. 

So, I guess this has been all about, “How do we stop that crazy over consumption?” “How do we get you to actually start addressing the root cause, rather than just deal with band-aids?” “How do you embrace nourishing your body, and giving it what it actually needs, not what your achiever thinks it needs?” And then really tuning into yourself? But all of this really won't take effect, unless we make this last shift. So, what's the shift that we need to make here, Jaclyn? 

Jaclyn Guest

Yeah, shift from discipline, into devotion. So, what I mean is, if you want to put these snack-sized habits into your life, what if it wasn't another thing you had to check off your to-do list, that you just have to do, because good people do that, and I should do it, and I have to do it, and I must do it? And, what if it was more, kind of, an act of service to yourself, to your wellness.

Like, “I am dedicated to my wellness, so I'm going to invest in my wellness.” “I'm going to nurture it, like I would nurture a seed I just planted into the earth.” 

So, “Can I nurture these seeds, or these snacks, as habits, with loving care, compassion?” And that might feel vulnerable. For so many women, so many women who come here as high achievers, vulnerability is seen as a weakness, and devotion feels “not strong enough”, or doesn't guarantee an outcome, right?

Jo Host

“Come on, Jaclyn!” “Harder, faster, further! “You can do it, more, more” “Give me five!” “Get down and give me five!” Right? Yeah.

Jaclyn Guest

And the truth is that, because discipline has gotten all the high achievers where they are. So, discipline has its place. And that's the biggest learning. But, there is an expiration date on discipline, only as the only tool to be in the world.

And so, this burnout is that big flashing sign that's saying, “That's not working anymore!” If we tried devotion, and it's really an act of it's like self-care, in the most deeply reverential, deeply self-respecting way, versus this militant force, of trying to become something different. “Better”, “More”.

Jo Host

With the implication that, “What you're doing is wrong” and “You're not doing it well enough!” And then, you're guilty, because you beat yourself up, because you didn't do it. You didn't get up at 5 am, because you said you would, so you beat yourself up. And then, what's the point? And then you go around and around in circles, and then all of that guilt and shame just comes more piles, to add to your beautifully blocked up emotional system.

Jaclyn Guest

Yeah, oftentimes, I think the discipline is trying to prove that you're enough, secretly, underneath it all. Back to that root cause we talked about earlier. Whereas, devotion already knows you're enough, so there's nothing to force. It's just, “What are you tending?” “What are you putting attention on?” “What are you giving your self-care to?”

Jo Host

Absolutely. So, we see that these become a really important part of that recipe for redefining success, and putting down some of the, let's call it, “conventional wisdom” that you've been told, and doing it differently. Because if you are perfectly happy where you are, and you're nourished, and you're resourced, and you're well rested, and all this stuff is working for you? Then, fabulous! 

But, if you listen to this podcast, there's a pretty good chance that it's not, and so more of the same, is that definition of insanity. So, this year we invite you to take a different look at, “How could nurturing yourself, really being devoted to your own sense of wellness, and happiness, and success, from a different lens?” “What if this could be the ticket that gets you there faster?”

Jaclyn Guest

Yep, I mean, truly. That's the shift that I see all our graduates from our courses make, is ultimately, this deeper caring and prioritization of their wellness, in a sustainable way. And it returns them back to, they feel like, “Oh, this is who I used to be” and “I'm enjoying my time with my kids more” and “I actually can handle feedback at work, now.” That used to really fluster me, and now, I just really back myself. And that is the biggest shift. Uniform, across the board, that the women in our work really get redefining success for themselves.

Jo Host

Absolutely so! There's many layers to redefining success, but making sure that you are looking after yourself is a key part of that. So, as always here, what we love to do, is to make what we share with you actionable. And instead of over-consuming and moving on to your next podcast, my challenge to you today is to maybe take this off 2.0 speed, or some kind of higher speed, and actually stop before you hit onto the next one in your queue, and to say, “All right, well, what am I going to do with what they just shared?” “What's one little tiny shift I can make to make a difference in my day-to-day life? So, whichever one you choose, we know that it will nourish you well, and we look forward to seeing you back, next time, back here on Balance & Beyond. Thanks for joining me, Jaclyn.

Jaclyn Guest

Yay! My pleasure. 

OUTRO: Thank you for joining us today on the Balance and Beyond Podcast. We're so glad you carved out this time for yourself. If you enjoyed this episode, please share it with a friend who might need to hear this today. And if you're feeling extra generous, leaving us a review on your podcast platform of choice would mean the world. If you’re keen to dive deeper into our world, visit us at www.balanceinstitute.com to discover more about the toolkit that has helped thousands of women avoid burnout and create a life of balance, and beyond. Thanks again for tuning in, and we'll see you next time on the Balance & Beyond Podcast.