Balance & Beyond Podcast

What if self-care is more than just a pamper session?

Join us as we shatter common misconceptions with our guest Coach Jaclyn, who introduces a revolutionary approach to holistic self-care. Uncover how physical wellness isn’t just about gruelling workouts but also includes soothing activities like yoga, nature walks, floating, meditation, and sound baths. We delve into the essential practices of downregulating the nervous system and lowering cortisol levels, inviting you to give yourself permission to engage in gentler yet equally beneficial activities. Jaclyn’s insights will inspire you to rethink your self-care routine and adopt a more balanced approach.

Our conversation highlights the importance of practical, consistent self-care for a sustainable and joyful life. Learn how integrating small, regular practices into your daily routine can significantly impact your emotional hygiene and overall well-being. From managing stress to avoiding burnout, discover how these habits help women reconnect with their true selves. We also emphasise the power of community and sharing these valuable insights with friends. Don’t miss this episode—take the first step towards a more balanced and fulfilling life today!

Episode Transcript

INTRO: Welcome to Balance and Beyond, the podcast for ambitious women who refuse to accept burnout as the price of success. Here, we’re committed to empowering you with the tools and strategies you need to achieve true balance, where your career, relationships and health all thrive, and where you have the power to define success on your own terms. I honour the space you’ve created for yourself today, so take a breath, and let's dive right in…

Jo Host

Bubble baths, pedicures, massages. We love all these things. But today, we are debunking some very common self-care myths, of what you think it is. We're going to shed some light on what actually is going on, and what you're missing out on. And today, I'm joined by the lovely Jaclyn. Hello Jaclyn!

Jaclyn Guest 

Hello everyone! 

Jo Host

Bring on self-care, Jaclyn! There's a, I call it “pink washing self-care.” When we do like #massage. And that's all we do. Let's debunk some myths. What actually is self-care? I guess maybe a better question to start off with is “What do people think self-care is?” And then, “What is it really?” 

Jaclyn Guest

I think when people think of self-care, they immediately think of pampering activities, like massages, pedicures, bubble baths, which are great things. They're included, for sure. But, it's not limited to that. And if those are the only self-care activities that are being done, then I think that's problematic. There's a huge piece missing, about how to actually take care of your wellbeing. 

The bubble baths, pedicures, and massages, when they're done really intentionally, can definitely be a great part of overall self-care, of your wellness, your well-being. But, alone, it's just not enough. And that's what I want to talk about. And on the flip side of that, some people also consider their self-care, their workouts. Like, “At least, I work out.” 

But there’s a lot of vigour and intensity in working out. Which is, again, great! Nothing wrong with that, in and of itself. And it is a beautiful way to take care of your health. Obviously, we all know that cardiovascular health, etc. But, what I want to talk about is the full picture. The more holistic view of self-care is taking care of our entire well-being. So, it's not just limited to either pampering, or like these vigorous, intense workouts. So, yeah.

Jo Host

Absolutely. So, what is self-care, then? If we want to look more holistic, I know you've got this belief that there's three components. So, talk us through, what are these actual components? And I'm guessing that this isn't the way. Anybody's heard self care spoken about before. So, Jaclyn, what are the three? 

Jaclyn Guest

Yeah, so, one is your physical wellness. And I'm going to break down what that means, more. There's emotional hygiene, which is usually completely overlooked, and optimising your mindset. And that is talked about quite a bit, but still not commonplace. I wouldn't say “emotional hygiene” or “mindset optimising” is commonplace. If anything, physical wellness might be. 

But, again, I think that physical wellness is limited to pampering activities only. And the vigorous working out, to pampering activities only, and the vigorous working out, and I'm here to expand what I mean by “self-care”, when it comes to physical wellness. So, intentionally engaging activities that are both energising, and activities that are restorative, 

And, I think, that word is probably foreign to most women. “Restorative.” What I mean is, slowing down, doing nothing, and you might be wondering, “How can you be doing nothing, if that's for your physical wellness?” And I want to talk about that. So, obviously, the activities that are energising, are movement activities. And what if you had movement activities that weren't always so intense? Those are great! You know, workouts are great. 

But, do you ever have just movement activities that feel gentle? Like, this could be gentle yoga? This could be just, you know, walking in nature, the sound bathing even! Those kinds of movements. That's still great! It still has some of those effects of working out. But, it's gentle around the system. Not so intense. So much of life is so intense, that it's nice to have some energising activities that aren't so intense, that are gentler. And then completely restorative activities would be more stillness. But that is still supporting your physical wellness. 

So, I'm talking things like, floating, going to a float tank, and just literally floating. That's just like it sounds. This could be bubble baths as well, this could be meditation, or sound baths. So, all these basically laying down, and being still, and letting yourself be immersed in an experience, and this allows you to downregulate your nervous system, so it’s important. 

So, again, I'm expanding these definitions, whether they're energising, and they're gentler, or they're completely restorative and still, these are ways to downregulate your nervous system, for your physical wellness. This is going to lower the cortisol and support your adrenals that are being inundated. 

Jo Host

Yeah, and I guess the reason I think that so many women struggle with the stopping part, is all the floating. Or the, you know, lying down and taking breath work. I'd almost put it in that category, too. We have to be doing something all the time. “If I've got this self-care time, if I've got time to myself, I've got to make it worthwhile.” And we've got such a strong association with “doing.” 

Hence, I mean, I know the old me, if I wasn't sweating and working out for 45 minutes, so much so that I had to have a shower afterwards, well, that workout wasn't worth it. The thought of doing five minutes of stretching was incomprehensible, because it wasn't intense. It wasn't hardcore. And that's when all we then do is put even more stress on our nervous system that's already stressed. 

And then, we take out any buffer we have to recover, and we then just continually push ourselves in this insane red zone. Which, of course, cortisol. We know the impact of cortisol, and stress, on everything else. So, I guess this is an invitation to women to reconsider, “What could physical movement look like, for you, if you want to take care of your physical wellness?” There are many, many ways that they could be doing that, or perhaps, beyond their current understanding. 

Jaclyn Guest

Yep, yep. So, getting out of that addiction to intensity, and achievement, and giving yourself permission to have those gentler, energising activities, or even full restorative stillness. Yeah, really, really important. And what's so awesome about that, is when you give your nervous system the space to downregulate, you actually show up in the world more who you want to be. And what I mean is, you show up more responsive, versus reactive. You show up more grounded, centred, right, as opposed to overwhelmed, and frantic. So then, this gives you the bandwidth to get curious. Like I said, responsive. 

So, when you are triggered by something that your kids say, or that a coworker says, or the to-do list at home, or at work, when you're overwhelmed by that, doing some down-regulating activities is going to feel good, and let you have more bandwidth and space to pause and get curious. “Oh my gosh, I'm feeling really overwhelmed.” “I'm feeling really frustrated by what he or she said, or did.” “What's actually going on here, right?” 

And so, then we can start responding with more. You know, mature responses and ways that feel are more reflective of who we are, versus becoming someone we don't recognise, and don't really like. So, but it requires you to be able to slow down, and give yourself that down regulation in your nervous system, so that you can do that emotional processing, so you can feel anger or sadness, frustration, fear, whatever's coming up for you. It's hard to process emotions when your body is on fire!

Jo Host

Yeah, which I guess is the second component we're talking about, here. You know, when we talk about emotional hygiene, it is something you said. It's completely overlooked. When women are living in a state of fight or flight, and they are in a state of anger and overwhelm. Well, it's almost like that's the only thing that you've got this hand right in front of your face, and it's the only thing that you've got this hand right in front of your face, and it's the only thing that you can ever experience. And that emotion begets more emotion, chemically addicted, and neurologically addicted to those emotions, and then finding anything else becomes really difficult. 

We hear this all the time that women come to us saying, “Jo, I've lost the joy.” “All I am is overwhelm, anger, frustration, and resentment.” “And there's no peace.” “There's no joy.” “And there's absolutely no room for fun.” So, talk to us, Jaclyn, about “What does?” You gave us a hint there. But, what does emotional hygiene mean? And what stops people from, well, I guess, almost knowing about it, let alone doing anything about it? 

Jaclyn Guest

Well, I don't think we really have any role models, or societal acceptance around the range of emotions we vilify. Especially for women. We vilify anger. Like, women don't feel like they have access to anger. Otherwise, they're considered bitchy. Or, you know, insert whatever word. There’s more acceptance around sadness, but usually sadness comes around. It's more around victimhood, or pity, versus feeling the more tender, truer thing. Which is around grief, or something to that effect. 

Yeah, it's just. There's not a lot of acceptance or understanding about how to be with our full range of emotions. So, yeah, it's practice. It's actually something we have to learn to develop a skill in. Being with emotions, without getting stuck in stories about what that means. Like, “Oh, this anger…” Like, and then staying in the blame. You know what I mean. 

Like, versus understanding the anger, we just get trapped in the story that makes us feel, I don't know, trapped and disempowered. Versus “I'm really angry, and I understand why I am, and that makes me connected to something that gives me conviction.” “And now, I can take action, that feels aligned.” For me, that's an empowered way. 

But, you have to be able to understand your emotions, and you know, which takes being able to be, and feel your emotions, and be able to slow down. Back to slowing down again. So, we have to be able to downregulate our nervous systems, so that we can be with our emotions. A nervous system that's too hyped up, and in that fight or flight, just doesn't, literally doesn't have the bandwidth to be with emotions. So, we end up just being reactive, and staying stuck in disempowering stories around our feelings. 

Jo Host

And, as you said, this is something that is never part of the “self-care piece” that a lot of women would never think of. You know, they'd think about cleaning out their fridge, or staying on top of the laundry. They wouldn't actually think about cleaning out their emotions and, you know, flushing anything that actually isn't serving them. And yet these are the pieces in our lives that are actually hijacking almost every single experience. So, it's almost like the dirty laundry is covering everything. We'll know we've got to actually learn to do something about this, don't we? 

Jaclyn Guest

That's right. That's right! Good thing, we teach it in our work. Women come to us, and they're like, “What are you talking about, emotional constipation?” And they realise that they are emotionally constipated, and we teach them how to flesh that out, so to speak, and start being with those emotions. But, we start with, you know, down-regulating the nervous system, right? So, we support people to start to slow down, so that they can start to feel what there is to feel, and get curious. 

Jo Host

Absolutely so! The last piece, then, if we've got this physical wellness with a very different spin, we've got emotional hygiene, which is completely overlooked. Talk to us, then, about optimising mindset, and there's no shortage of self-help, and everything out there. So, as you said, there are a lot of people doing this. But, we've got a slightly different spin on particularly what happens, when we pull all three of these things together. So, let's talk about, what do you mean by “optimising mindset?” 

Jaclyn Guest

That's right. Well, it dovetails really beautifully with the emotions, right? So, when I was saying you get curious about, “Oh, why am I so frustrated about what they said, or did?” “Or, why am I feeling this weird sadness?” “What is that?” So, when we get curious, and we can actually feel our feelings without getting stuck in any stories, then we can ask ourselves better questions. 

So, when we find out why we're sad, then we can say, “Well, what do I want to do about that?” “Going forward, what am I making that mean about me?” “Oh, the sadness is totally misplaced.” “I don't even need to be sad, because that's not even true.” “My thoughts are not true.” So, we get to examine our thoughts, and when we optimise our mindset, a lot of people do examine their thoughts, and it can, it can get you pretty far, right? 

It's a powerful tool, to examine your thoughts and ask them, ask your thoughts if they're really empowering or not. Or, are they true, all of these things? But, what we found is that when people's nervous systems are still in that fight or flight, when they're still emotionally constipated, then what ends up happening is they have all this intellectual awareness about their thoughts, and then they end up beating themselves up, because they're not getting the change they want. Because, they should know better. Because, they can see the patterns right. 

So, they see the patterns. They're doing the mindset work to some extent, but then they don't get the change they want, and it's because their wellness is not stabilised, their nervous system is not stable. Their emotional hygiene is, they're constipated, right? So, there's only so far you can get with that intellectual understanding, until you feel blocked. And then you end up, yeah, frustrated. 

Jo Host

Yeah, and to stack on that, what we also find is that so many women don't believe they have the time for the stillness, or the emotional hygiene, which keeps them trapped in this. Well, let me know more, let me study some more, let me listen to another podcast. Or let me, but with the challenges that they listen to it, but then they don't know how to implement it. And this is when most women come to us, with this beautiful level of self-awareness. They can see the patterns. Often they've been to therapy. They know where the patterns have come from. 

They've done some, like you said, they've done the mindset work. And yet, they're like, “And I'm still doing it, and I'm still going around, and around.” And then, they get even more frustrated. And then, they just get more, and more constipated, and stack it all on top of each other. And then, eventually, something blows up, whether it's their health, or a relationship, or their job. You know, something gives. But, it doesn't have to be that way, does it? This is where we talk about the practical application, of all the wisdom that you have is worth nothing, if it doesn't change your life. 

Jaclyn Guest

That's right. That's right! So, I hope people are maybe having a big “Aha!” moment listening to this. “Oh!” “My self-care is so much more far reaching than I originally thought!” Yeah, and it's exciting too, because it's going to feel good. Once you start implementing this, your nervous system is going to thank you. You're going to feel more clear, and you're going to be more proud of the way you're responding in life. 

And then, all of that beautiful, beautiful mindset work is going to actually be sustainable. And, before you know it, then you actually become someone that feels good. That feels more like who you've always been. How you used to be. Oftentimes we hear that from women. Like, “I remember when I used to be more joyful, and more responsive and not so burnt out, frantic, and frustrated.” And so, it's really returning to that, before they got overwhelmed by life, and all the pressures, before they got overwhelmed by life, and all the pressures. 

But, yeah, we need to maintain our whole well-being with intentionality, and consistency. This isn't just a one-off thing like, “Oh, I'm going to go downregulate my system, feel some emotions, do some mindset work. and then I'll be good to go.” It's like you, and I both know that we have to, right? It's laughable! You have to consistently do this work, because life continues to trigger us in different ways. And yeah, you know, life is fast-paced, and there is a lot on. So, we need to intentionally, consistently, downregulate our nervous systems, and feel our feelings, and do the mindset work. 

Jo Host

Yeah, and I think the other big belief that holds women back from doing a lot of this is, to your point, they do what I call “Bingeing at the buffet.” They take themselves off to the day spa, and they bring their journal with them, and they cry, and they have a massage, and they float. Or they, you know, mani-pedi, and they do all that, and they go home. And then. they yell at their kids, and they feel resentful at their husband, and then they've almost undone everything that they did, instead of going for regular, snack-sized portions of “How do you learn how to do this in five minutes?” 

And when we're perfectionistic, high achievers, we think that this has to be, “Oh my gosh!” “She's saying I've got to spend an hour a day on each of these three things!” “And I don't have the time, and I'm so busy, and I'm so overwhelmed!” It's actually harder, even though it's easier, once you know how to do it. It initially feels harder to do something like this. If we were to turn around and say, “You can actually do this.” “You can do those three things probably in five minutes a day, when you learn how.” 

So, we've also got to address some of these, this mindset, we have around self-care being this buffet that we do once every six months, with a group of girlfriends, and it's insta-fabulous, and we put pictures in our robes, and we love it. Versus the nitty-gritty of life. Like you said, every single day, finding a routine, and a pattern, that works for you. That's the game changer, isn't it? 

Jaclyn Guest

Totally! Yeah, it's just like anything. You have your dental hygiene, right? You take care of your teeth every day, so it’s the same thing. Emotional hygiene. Think of it like that. Or, you know, most people do have that culturally accepted workout routine. So, including down-regulation activities is just as equally important. You know, stillness, or those more gentler activities. And we spend a lot of time in our heads. So, we might as well spend at least five minutes of it working, working with our minds in a way that actually feels supportive. 

Jo Host

Absolutely so! So much opportunity here, for women to change, isn't there? To access more joy, to have a body that is sustainable, and to allow us to unlock all this beautiful wisdom, all this beautiful capability, and intelligence, that we have. Wanting a better life, knowing that the way we're operating isn't sustainable. 

There is so much on the other side. So, we hope that we've given you help and debunked some myths, I guess we could say, shifted your perspective, and opened your eyes to some new ways to view self-care, that perhaps you haven't had before. So, Jaclyn, thank you for sharing any parting words, or wishes, or desires for anybody listening today. 

Jaclyn Guest

I just wish this for all women, and that it's accessible to you, and you can have it, if you want it. 

Jo Host

I love that! Jaclyn, the master of desire. So, here's to more self-care, more physical wellness. So, let's anti-constipate, whatever that is. Let's flush your system, get you some emotional hygiene, and continue to optimise your mindset. So, thank you for joining us today. We'll see you again next time!

Jaclyn Guest

Next time!

OUTRO: Thank you for joining us today on the Balance and Beyond Podcast. We're so glad you carved out this time for yourself. If you enjoyed this episode, please share it with a friend who might need to hear this today. And if you're feeling extra generous, leaving us a review on your podcast platform of choice would mean the world. If you’re keen to dive deeper into our world, visit us at www.balanceinstitute.com to discover more about the toolkit that has helped thousands of women avoid burnout and create a life of balance, and beyond. Thanks again for tuning in, and we'll see you next time on the Balance & Beyond Podcast.