Balance & Beyond Podcast

Life has a way our way, and this episode, we're unpacking a whirlwind of personal trials that put resilience to the test.

From Jo’s husband's broken foot and subsequent surgery to her mother's emergency procedure, children's illnesses, and even her own severe sickness, it felt like she was hit from every angle. But through it all, Jo discovered the power of the stories we tell ourselves and how they shape our responses. Join us as Jo shares the lessons and tools that helped her stay afloat, manage stress, and maintain balance amidst the chaos.

Facing adversity is inevitable, but how we handle it can define our journey. This episode delves into the importance of self-care and personal integrity, illustrating how taking responsibility for our reactions can transform our experiences. Learn practical strategies for managing life's demands, such as seeking support and simplifying tasks, and understand why self-care isn't just a luxury—it's necessary for personal and professional success. Tune in to hear how prioritising well-being can lead to resilience and joy, even when life feels overwhelming.

Episode Transcript

INTRO: Welcome to Balance and Beyond, the podcast for ambitious women who refuse to accept burnout as the price of success. Here, we’re committed to empowering you with the tools and strategies you need to achieve true balance, where your career, relationships and health all thrive, and where you have the power to define success on your own terms. I honour the space you’ve created for yourself today, so take a breath, and let's dive right in…

Welcome to the “Poo Pond.” Have you ever found yourself in circumstances where it all just feels so shit? It is like you're sitting in a pond of poo. Yes, that is what we're talking about today. Profanities aside, this is to share with you exactly how to cope when life throws you curveballs. As you can understand from my voice, I'm not 100%, and let me explain why. I am just like you in that I have a very busy life and we try to pack a lot in. 

However, also like you, life likes to throw me some curveballs, and no surprise that the amount of curveballs I've been thrown recently are pretty epic probably as much as I've had in a really long time and so this is going to be a very personal episode where I want to share with you how I cope when I find myself in the "poo pond." Because, shock-horror, yes, I'm a coach. And yes, I do this for a living, but I still sometimes find myself there. 

Circumstances, sometimes, are so annoying, and so shit, that it almost feels like you just want to throw yourself in and just go, “Oh, it's all too hard”, and really fall into a heap. It doesn't happen to me very often, but I've not been met with this set of circumstances in a while, either. So, this is going to give you some hope, and it's also going to give you some tools as to how, when you find yourself in there, you can grab yourself that pina colada, you can find yourself a flamingo floaty, and get yourself out as fast as possible. 

I've had a hell of a time in the last couple of months. And a lot of this is due to circumstances outside of my control. So, around eight weeks ago, my husband managed to break his foot on the soccer field. And like, oh gosh, not particularly great. It's his driving foot. He was in a boot for six weeks. So, you can imagine what happens when you have a busy life, with tons of activities, and his primary role in our family, one of his primary roles, is to do all the driving. 

So, I work, he drives the kids around. So, you can imagine what happens when I'm trying to take a business that is growing rapidly, and we're in the scaling phase at the moment, and now I have to add in between 15 and 18 hours a week of driving children around. Straight away, I go like, “So, okay, we managed to get through that.” 

Then we found out at his six week check that his bone wasn't healing. So the next day he's in for surgery, and we start again, and he's had the most horrific recovery from his surgery. He's been nauseous. He pretty much hasn't left bed for the last two weeks. So, you can imagine what that does to a family. Not just to how we function, but also to the energy of it. Add to that, my mum ended up in an emergency. 

I got a call from my dad at six o'clock in the morning, saying I've had to take your mum to emergency for a few days of God knows what, and then surgery to remove her gallbladder, and then she's recovering from that. During this whole time, for around three weeks, I had sick kids, who were in and out of doctors, home, coughing, sneezing, the works. 

Throughout all of this, I stayed healthy. I was still running four days a week, I was still working, albeit in limited capacity, and then the kicker came. I am a terrible sick person. I'm also a terrible nurse, and then eventually, it hit me. I'd been holding everything off for a really long time, and I have been the sickest that I've been in years, and you can hear from my voice that I still don't sound quite right, and this is actually the most voice I've had in about a week. 

I've sounded like a prepubescent boy, with my voice breaking, with it completely disappearing in phases, which is really interesting when you pretty much speak for a living. When I record podcast episodes, when I do training, when I speak to my team, when I coach. And it's this really interesting experience when, as somebody who has spent a lot of my life expressing myself, suddenly, I can't. 

And so, this is the confluence of factors that I've been working through on top of trying to grow a business, changing the market, all of these things are happening. Now, yes, these are first world problems. I'm very, very well aware that there are people out there who are doing it much tougher. Who are, you know, in very different circumstances. So, this is not a competition. This is not me saying that I'm better, or in more in the coupon than anyone else. 

But this is me giving you some insight into what are some of the curveballs that perhaps people around you may be going through that you're not aware of. Curveballs, unfortunately, are a fact of life and it's really important that you recognise them. Do you have enough buffer in your life to be thrown curveballs? Because, I used to be guilty of this, trying to control everything so much and have everything just perfect and just down to the wire so that no curveballs ever came and I tried to preempt so many of them. But, the challenge is, you actually end up making life worse when you aren't making room for buffer or for things to hit you. 

Because, believe it or not, sometimes the things that you think are horrific curveballs, can have a silver lining. And I have the fundamental belief that life happens for you, not to you. And so the immediate thing that came to mind when Mick broke his foot, I went huh, interesting, why has he broken his foot? What's the lesson here for us? And it was his right foot, which not only is his driving foot, but also the right side of our body, represents our masculine side. 

So, okay, he's broken the grounding. The foot is, from an energetic and spiritual perspective, the organ that really connects us to the earth. So he's broken the area of his body that connects his masculine to the earth. So, he has broken the area of his body that connects his masculine to the earth. What does that say about him and what he's going through as well? So all these curve balls contain really beautiful clues and, of course, he broke his fifth metatarsal and he rolled his ankle. 

There's a physical reason, but I also believe that there's an energetic and a spiritual reason as to why everything happens, which is how all this comes together, and I believe that life happens for me. So I want to talk to you about three tools that I have used and lent really, really heavily into over the past couple of months, and these are tools that don't cost any money, but they do require a different mindset. 

Many of you know that I've been doing this work for a really long time. This is not my first rodeo, and I've had a lot of curveballs thrown at me in life, whether it's work, personal, family, health, you name it and the first thing I'll say is, when you have a philosophy, as I do, that life happens for you and there will always be a gift in what has happened, not fall into the poo pond as fast as you may. 

Otherwise, one of the things that I have never wanted to become and really struggle with is feeling like a victim, and that's when life is happening to you, stuff's happening to you. It's not fair. It's not your fault, because the moment you become a victim, you give up your power. And yes, I didn't have a choice. As to when Mick hobbled in from soccer and he was limping badly, my first thought was, oh God, no, no, no. This is not what we need. But at that moment, I knew that I had a decision to make. 

I had a choice as to how I wanted to respond to what was happening to me, and that doesn't mean that everything that is happening around me or in my life is necessarily good. That doesn't mean that I welcome it with arms. I go yay, let me do all the driving, let me massively reduce the amount of time I have to achieve what I want to achieve. 

That was never anything that I wished upon myself. However, the moment that I can step into my power and respond to whatever has happened whether it was my mom, whether it was Mick, whether it was the kids, whether it was myself. That is when I step back into my power and that is when I really step into this next opportunity to live life the way I want. 

So, if you are living life on this really fine edge, if you've got no buffer and you are finding that these curveballs are chucking you in the poop pond very often, well, consider this your pathway to a pina colada and a flamingo. Just for clarification, the “poo pond” is the place where many people intentionally throw themselves, which is really when we become a victim. 

I'm like, “Oh my God, it's all gone to shit.” “I can't control it, it's not fair.” And then, we sit in the “poo pond.” And some people, you know, set up camp there and, of course, when you're in the poop pond, everything stinks. So then, all you can see is everything bad that's happening. And this happened: I got cut off in traffic, and then I got the red light, and then it's really really easy to essentially put those goggles on, and not be able to find your way out. 

Whereas, yes, sometimes I hurl myself into the “poo pond”, because it's also important to recognize that if you're feeling disappointment, or anger, or frustration, sometimes you'll throw yourself in there. But, you throw yourself in, and have a good sink, have a float around, and then go, “You know what?” “I don't really like being in here.” “I want to get out.” And so, you take yourself over to the side, dust yourself off, and then decide, “How am I going to act from here?” 

So, if you found yourself in the “poo pond” before, these strategies are going to be very helpful. And if you find yourself in the “poo pond” on a very regular basis, then perhaps, you need to reach out to our team, and get some more longer term tools, that stop you throwing yourself in there in the first place. Because, unbelievably, it can get addictive, and many people live there. 

So the first tool that I've had to lean really heavily into, is really being very clear on, “What do I need in each moment?” So, as we sat in the hospital with mixed x-ray results, I go, “Oh my God.” The first thing I did was recognize, “I'm gonna need some help.” This is the last thing that I would have thought of. Once upon a time, I went, “Right, that's it.” “I've got to do everything myself.” “I've got to be okay.” “I've got to do this.” “I've got to do that.” 

The first thing I did was get out my phone and go, “Right, which drop off?” “Which pickup?” “Which activity are we now going to can?” “What friend can I get to help here?” “What friend can I get to help here?” I called my parents and said, “Right, I'm going to need your support.” I was not too proud to do it all myself, and recognised that for me to be able to cope, I was going to need some help. 

I also then managed some expectations with the kids. And I was like, “Right, guys, we're going to be having a whole lot of chicken nuggets.” “We're going to be having a whole lot of toast, and a whole lot of soup.” Because I also had to recognize that sometimes, as someone who hates to cook ordinarily, and Mick normally does a lot of the cooking. Often at the end of the day, when I've done three hours of driving, and I've worked, and I've walked the dog, and I've done all these things, the last thing that I wanted to do was to cook. 

So, at that moment, that's not what I needed. So, we chose a different path. Sometimes, particularly when I got sick, I needed to go to bed, and I said to the kids at eight o'clock, “You're on your own, put yourselves to bed.” “I'm out.” And sometimes, I needed a laugh. It's like, “All right, Stella, funny cat videos.” “Let's make me laugh!” And other times, I feel like I was spending lots of time, but not being as present as I wanted. So, I'm like, “All right, can we sit down and play some video, you know, together?” “What can we do to make us laugh, to really have some solid connection time?” 

This is, I guess, a really big celebration for me. Because, once upon a time, what I needed in each moment would have been at the bottom of a very long list. And over the last eight weeks, I've been doing the bulk of everything at home. And any single parent will relate to the fact that it never ends all the washing, all the cooking, all the cleaning, all the life admin, all the finances, all the drop-offs, everything. And I've pretty much then been a terrible nurse to the other child that I've had, who's basically not left bed for a really long time. 

So, there are so many people who need me. There are so many people who have legitimate needs that have to sometimes go above mine. But even just recognizing, “Okay, I'm going to give myself that silence.” So, remembering to put myself in that equation sounds really easy. And you hear it all the time! Put yourself first, put your oxygen mask on. But, until you actually know how to do it, and until you've built the resilience, and the mindset, to know that if I'm no good, then I'm going to be no good to anybody else, and I'm a terrible nurse when my cup is full. 

Can you imagine how shocking a nurse that I would be, if my cup was completely drained? So, this is an opportunity for you to really lean in, I guess, and to ask yourself the question, “How good are you at recognizing what you need in each moment?” And to put your needs at the top of that list, even when circumstances may dictate that there might be less opportunity for you to physically meet those needs. 

So that means if you get really crystal clear on, “I just need 10 minutes of silence.” We can always find that, and step into it, with full intention, and that can make all the difference. The second tool that I've had to really lean into is, “If I believe that everything in life happens for me, then I've been intentionally looking for the gift in all of us.” 

So, what has been the gift of me doing so much driving? I don't necessarily enjoy driving. I don't like driving across Sydney back and forth to netball training, and back and forth here, and back and forth there. But we have had the best dance parties, we have had the best jokes in the car, and I've actually really enjoyed connecting with the girls in a different way, that on a day-to-day basis, I don't have. 

I mean, I still do some dancing trips ordinarily, and I still do some sport on the weekend. But, I've been spending a lot of time in the car with them. So there's been this beautiful, I guess, different language we've developed. And a relationship that has been really, really fun. I've now found a whole new range of podcasts, because I'm driving every day, and enjoying some silence, and some music. 

The gift has been, I've been really implementing and practicing some of the time management strategies that I preach on a regular basis. Because I've, you know, instead of having three hours to get something done, I've had an hour. And I'm like, “All right, I have to get this done in an hour, no procrastinating.” “How do I collapse time?” “How do I get what I need out as fast as possible?” So, when you can intentionally look for the gift, you'd be amazed at what you can find, and unlock so much more joy and fulfillment in what might otherwise be a life full of frustration and resentment. And then, finally, really align with seeing what I need in each moment. 

Believe it or not, I have upped my self-care during this time. So, the moment Mick broke his foot, after calling my parents, I booked in a float tank for a week later, because I knew what that meant. I knew about the driving, I knew about everything, and I also knew that that was going to be critical for me to stay sane. 

Again, when we are at the bottom of the list, and when we don't think that we matter, then our self-care is the first thing that goes. Our exercise is the first thing that goes, and we've had situations where I obviously haven't been running lately, because I've been sick. But, I've been loving my running with a friend, and there's been times when I've said to Nikita, “You're gonna have to catch the bus to the station.”

Normally she gets a lift. Because I want to run, she looks at me. She's like, “What?” Like yes. I'm putting my need to run ahead of your desire to have a lift to the station. This is the only time I can fit it in. It's what I need for me, it's what I need for my training, it's what I need for mental health, it's what I need to connect with someone, it's what I need, to get outside. And you can get a lift the other four days of the week. The bus stop is at the end of the driveway. This is not a big ask, and yet to a teenager, sometimes it can be the end of the world. 

But, I had no hesitation. I felt zero guilt as she sulked off down the driveway, and I happened to be coming back. Actually, as she was standing at the bus stop, she's like, “You could have driven me.” I'm like, “Nope, that's not the point.” “The point is, right now, my need for a run is more important than your need for a lift.” So, I upped what I needed, and I upped whether it was float tanks, silence, music, bed candles, journaling, meditation. 

I have a pretty vast array of tools, of things that I tap in and out of, depending on what I need. And again, in recognizing what I need, I've made sure that every day I have to do something for myself. I've gone into the bush more often, even though the weather here has been terrible. It's been raining no end. I'm still schlepping into the bush, and I'm still standing on my favorite rock and I'm still finding that time to ground and be surrounded by nature. Because, again. 

If I am spending too much time in the poop pond, then I am no good to anyone. My business is a reflection of me, this podcast is a reflection of me. And if I've got nothing left to give, then who wants to come to a coach, or a business, who is on its knees, and who is not able to sustain itself? 

Integrity is such a huge part of my personal ethos. And so, if I'm not taking care of myself, why on earth should anybody else ever trust me, or my team, to take care of them? And so, this is what I have been doing over the last few weeks, really leaning heavily into all the tools in my toolkit, and these are probably the top three. But, if I was to make a list of what I've been doing to support myself in all manner of ways, it would be pretty extensive. 

So, if you find yourself in the “poo pond”, I really encourage you to grab this episode as a pinnacle ladder, to know that you don't have to cut life so close to the line. That you don't need to redline, that you do not need to put yourself last, and that you can find the gift in whatever curveball, however tragic or horrific or unfair, that may be. There is always a lesson for you, and there is always something for you to gain. 

OUTRO: Thank you for joining us today on the Balance and Beyond Podcast. We're so glad you carved out this time for yourself. If you enjoyed this episode, please share it with a friend who might need to hear this today. And if you're feeling extra generous, leaving us a review on your podcast platform of choice would mean the world. If you’re keen to dive deeper into our world, visit us at www.balanceinstitute.com to discover more about the toolkit that has helped thousands of women avoid burnout and create a life of balance, and beyond. Thanks again for tuning in, and we'll see you next time on the Balance & Beyond Podcast.