Balance & Beyond Podcast

Episode Summary

#69: Redefining Success: Embracing Intuition and Sisterhood in a Messy World

Have you ever felt overwhelmed by the relentless pursuit of success, only to find yourself teetering on the edge of burnout?

Join me, as I recount a life-changing four-day retreat in the serene setting of Ojai, where ambitious women gathered to redefine what success truly means. We dive into the beauty of embracing life's inherent messiness and the transformative power of letting go. Amidst laughter and tears, we discovered the profound strength of sisterhood in a safe, judgment-free zone, unlocking new levels of performance and connection. 

In a world that often values logic over intuition, we explore how tapping into our intuitive senses can lead to empowerment and personal growth. Tune in as we discuss the art of being present and attentive, revealing how intuition guided us through the retreat, from adjusting activities to addressing individual needs. Jacqueline and I share insights on how studying kinesiology has been pivotal in understanding group dynamics, and why flexibility is crucial for nurturing personal and collective transformation. Whether you're looking to cultivate your intuition or seeking a supportive community of like-minded women, this episode is a heartfelt invitation to explore the richness of balance and connection.

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Episode Transcript

INTRO: Welcome to Balance and Beyond, the podcast for ambitious women who refuse to accept burnout as the price of success. Here, we’re committed to empowering you with the tools and strategies you need to achieve true balance, where your career, relationships and health all thrive, and where you have the power to define success on your own terms. I honour the space you’ve created for yourself today, so take a breath, and let's dive right in…

I'm recording this episode from my LA hotel room, just having come back from a magnificent four-day retreat. I often have people say to me, “Jo, what happens on retreat?” “Who comes to a retreat?” “What do you do?” And, being so fresh, I wanted to use this opportunity to pull back the curtain a little, and really share what some of the key themes coming out of the retreat were. 

But, more importantly, what can you do to be somebody who can provide a safe place to land? There were so many lessons for myself, and my beautiful mindset coach, Jaclyn, about being transformative leaders, and really creating this ecosystem, where you can allow people to unlock that next level. This can be translated to, perhaps, it's the next level of performance at work. Or, maybe, it's that next level of connection with your children. But how, by simply being yourself, can you actually create this beautiful container for amazing, amazing results?

So, our retreat was held in Ojai, which is about an hour and a half from LA. And the question is often asked, “Well, who comes on a retreat?” Now, my retreats are more than just mimosas, and hot tubs, and girls giggling. There are a lot of those three things. However, it is so much more. And if you've ever been on a retreat, or have ever wanted to go on a retreat, what's really important is that you go to something that you feel called to. 

I know that sounds a little bit “woo”, and there's probably going to be a little bit of woo woven into this episode, because that's a really important part of me that comes out on retreat. But, understanding that not all retreats are made from a logical, rational decision. Sure, you need to be able to make it, and it needs to be within your budget. But, ensuring you can find someone you really feel safe being with. Like their energy, and you like the container that they create. 

So, these women who came on my retreat have all been working with me for a long time. That's the only way that you can get access to my retreats, is to come into Balance and Beyond, which is my signature program. And once you're in there, you're in the community. So, the three key themes that came out of this weekend. And, obviously, I'm not going to divulge personal details, because a golden rule of retreats is, “What happens on retreat, stays on retreat.” 

But, an emerging theme, and this is one that I'm seeing come up with clients again and again is, as recovering perfectionists, as high achievers, as women who like to control things and like to be put together, who like to be buttoned up, the way forward for so many of us is actually to embrace the mess. This may mean different things to different people. Perhaps the mess for you is having a messy kitchen bench, and being okay with that. Maybe it's not having a plan. Maybe it's sitting in uncomfortable emotions. There are many ways that we can step into this “mess.”

But, it's so important that we loosen the grip, and the reins, that we so often have in life. Because, for many of us, we spend a lot of our energy trying to control everything and anyone. Whether it's conscious, or subconscious, it's a big part of our life. And I know the more work I continue to do on myself, the more I see these chains of responsibility. I was the only and the eldest child, the eldest cousin. I had to take care of everyone. 

These really seep into our identity, and it can become really difficult for us to let others sit in their own mess that they create, and not feel compelled to go in and clean it up all the time, or to make it okay. Even when it comes from a good place, from a heart-centered place, of wanting everyone to be okay, anything in too high a dose can actually become quite toxic. So, embracing the mess, is a key insight. 

And the thing I love about retreats is when we talk about embracing the mess. There are many levels to what this looks like. Perhaps you've never worked with mem and you've heard this. Like “Yes, you know, I need to embrace the mess in life.” But, this can come down to core identity levels. It can come down to core emotional capacities and capabilities. So, a comment like this has the beautiful nuance of really being able to hit you, wherever you are. 

The second insight that we saw that comes out of every single retreat, is this real yearning for sisterhood. And I use the word yearning deliberately, or you could replace that with longing. So, many of us spend much of our lives around a lot of men, whether that's work, perhaps your family of origin, or the family that you've created, and also a lot of the women in our lives can spend a lot of time in their masculine energy. 

By that, I mean, if you're in the corporate world, you're around women who are getting shit done, and they're task oriented, and they've got a plan, and they've got a step-by-step process. There's no room for being in that ecosystem and, as you're somebody, likely, who is trying to unlock this next level of growth, this next level of abundance, and fulfillment, and joy. That doesn't come with a plan. 

I know I've had many clients come to me. Some I love dearly say, “Jo, just give me an effing plan.” Sometimes, there's no plan. The plan is simply to learn to “be”, and that's really uncomfortable. But, magic happens when we're able to find other women who also are willing to sit in their own mess, and not make it mean anything about them. 

We had some beautiful group coaching sessions, outside by the pool, by the foot of the mountains, and we routinely see this in retreats, and even in the group coaching that we do, where one person says something, and everyone else goes, “Oh yeah, me too.” And someone else says something and goes, “Oh, I wasn't aware. But yeah, yeah, “Okay, I hear you.” “Me too!” And then someone else speaks, “Oh my gosh, me too!” And we have these beautiful coaching circles that are just continual. “Me too, me too, me too!” 

And, you allow these other women to act like a mirror, to really hold up this reflection back of, perhaps, how you've operated in the world. Or, an insight from your childhood that you never realized, or a word that unlocks a nuance in your behavior. And, it's by being with other women, that everything gets to change much faster, much easier and, most importantly, with a lot more fun. 

And then, the final piece that came up for a lot of our group was something that I do a lot of work on with my clients. And it's no surprise, because people say it makes the world go around. And this is this thing called “money.” And, it is so closely tied to your sense of worthiness, to your sense of belonging, to your ego, to your sense of significance. 

And, what I love, when we get to do money work, is the way we're able to actually raise people's money ceiling. And by this, I mean, you are the only one who puts a cap on how much abundance and financial security you have in your life and, depending on what situation you're in right now, that might feel highly triggering in terms of if, perhaps, you are not where you want to be financially. Me saying you're responsible for that, you probably might want to punch me. 

However, you are the only one who decides you are enough, or you're worthy. And what I love with this work is, we're able to raise people's belief about how much they're worth. And we had multiple people raise, what we call their “money ceiling” by hundreds of thousands of dollars. Because, we all have a comfort zone, an amount of money that we are okay to earn, where it feels safe for us. And there's a reason. 

Something like 95% of people who win the Lotto, lose it all within a certain number of years, because they don't feel safe having that money. Yes, I know, it might look like they blow it all, and they buy boats, and they buy silly things. But ultimately, it's because they don't know how to handle that. Their identity hasn't evolved, and so if you are in a position of wanting to earn more money or wanting more financial abundance, or wanting more financial freedom, if that is something that is part of what you're searching for in life, then if you're not doing work on yourself, on your identity, on your sense of worthiness, then that pay rise or promotion that you are looking for, is going to take a lot longer to come. 

I can promise you, it is not about doing more work. It's not even always about being more strategic. It's about you taking your own internal shackles of what is actually possible, off you. So, there were some of the beautiful insights, but what I think is possibly even more valuable for you, is understanding what was some of the, you would call them tools, or strategies, that both Jaclyn and I really used to create an ecosystem, or a container, where people were able to have such deep insights. 

Now, bear in mind this wasn't my first retreat, my first rodeo. This is, I think, number 10 or 12. I've lost count. So, I've really learned and honed the skill of creating a safe space. Of course, you might be thinking, “Well, that's really easy in the mountains of Ojai ,or in the Mornington Peninsula of Australia, or in all these beautiful locations.” And, yes, a beautiful environment can certainly help with that. 

But, I'm sure you may have been on a corporate retreat, or you've been somewhere with your family. That is beautiful, and yet, you do not feel transformed. You do not feel safe to reveal things, or to learn things about yourself. So, it's not all just about the pretty scenery, or the nice furniture. 

A couple of the key things that we really fostered intentionally, that I feel make a huge difference to our success as guides and facilitators in these types of things is, we are 100% present in the moment. And, I know, that's a fridge magnet that many of you have. However, there is something to be said for mind, body, spirit, being where you are in the room, and I have never felt more present than when I'm on retreat. 

By that, I mean, we often end up losing track of time. We are so in depth in the conversation, listening for, “What were the words they used?” “What was the intonation of that word?” “When did their body flinch a little bit?” “When did they contract?” “Where did they pause?” And, you can only be that attentive to what is there, when you are present in the moment. 

If I'm thinking about what my kids are doing back home, or what time the caterer is going to arrive for dinner, “I'm listening.” But, I'm not really listening. And that's what makes our ability to pick up on these little things, because that's what it is in life. It's not the big things, it's not the, “Oh!” “You just said that you don't love yourself.” It's not that, it's the intonation of “Huh.” “Notice that you paused a little before you said that word.” “What does that word mean to you?” And then, in we go, and everything comes out. So, here’s an opportunity for you to reflect on this. 

Is there an important meeting where you are multitasking, where your screen is off, where you are doing washing, or writing another email, and never actually being present to anything in your life, because you are missing all the gold, and all the joy, in that? 

The other piece that we are increasingly leaning into, particularly as we evolve our skill set as coaches, is leaning into intuition. And this is a word that gets thrown around a lot. It's something I've spent a huge amount of time and energy building in myself. Cultivating this, as a skill set, is really unlocking this part of me that was shut down a lot as a child, and being able to know again, by being present in the moment. It really supports your intuition. 

“There's something off with that person.” “I don't know why, but I'm going to get you to stand up, and move your chair.” “Everyone's looking at me, like I'm an idiot.” They've just learned to follow on, by now. And then, lo and behold, one random comment, and my gut said, “Why is she sitting like that?” It unraveled an entire layer of insight, and understanding, and transformation, that wasn't there five minutes earlier. 

Likewise, my intuition to, you know, change up an activity, or to ask one person for feedback, and they look at me and go, “Why did you choose me?” I don't know, but there's something in me that wants to ask you this question. And I have found, time and time again, that the more I trust that inner guidance system, you could call it intuition, ideas, downloads, inspiration, creativity, whatever you want to call it, whatever word feels right for you, it becomes this amazing opportunity to be guided in what is the best in that moment. 

And I had the added, I guess you could say, blessing, or opportunity, to use my newfound kinesiology skills, which is a modality that has really resonated with me in the group, and that was game changing in terms of being able to connect energetically with people, and work out what was the group emotions that were there as part of the container, what were an individual thinking, and being able to test as part of activities. 

“Okay, we did a beautiful activity around desire”, which was one of the key themes of the retreat, where people had to pick up three pieces of food, from a tray full of things like strawberries, and grapes, and chocolate, and biscuits, and cookies, and I was able to test through kinesiology, did they have what they really wanted? And everybody's eyes always widen when I say, “Nope, there's something on that tray that you want, that you didn't pick up.” 

And then, through that, you get to uncover that, “Oh, they didn't think they could have the biggest piece, or they thought that they should want the things they want.” So, when you're able to follow your intuition, it was intuition that led me to actually even study kinesiology in the first place, and it was intuition that even led me to uncover the modality as a whole, through a friend. It's really tapping into that. And I used that a lot, when I was in corporate. My intuition. 

But, it was really smothered by the need to provide a risk register, and provide pros and cons, and provide, you know, four different quotes, as to what you've done. And I get all of that. But, really being intuition led, I can see, is such a game changer for so many women. So many women have shut it down, and it's an absolute crime. 

The last piece that I will say is really being prepared to get messy. And by that, I mean, there's no agenda on these. Everyone by now knows me that they're not going to get an agenda when they show up. They just have to live in the moment too. But we have, for each session let's say, of course, we have a plan in terms of, “Well, we've got two hours here”, and then, “We're going to have a break” and “Lunch comes at this time.” 

However, knowing that sometimes we're going to scrap that thing that we have planned, because this is what's present in the moment, and my intuition says, “Follow this.” And, interestingly, we got to day three, and Jaclyn and I stayed up for an extra hour after everyone went to bed, and completely scrapped the plan for the next day, scribbled it on, literally the back of a piece of paper ,and went off that for the next day. 

So, holding on loosely to any expectations that we had about how things will go, and being able to just say, “Stuff it, we're throwing this out.” “This isn't what's needed, we're going to do this instead. And every single time I've done that and I've gone off script, by knowing what my high level expectations are, and then being a lot more fluid as to how I'm going to actually get there, always, always ends up well. It ends up being the better option. 

And, the part of me that used to freak out about, “Oh my gosh, I've gone off script.” “What are you going to think of me?” Or it didn't go as I planned. The more I've learned to put that down, the more room there is now for magic, and miracles, and intuition, and guidance, and whatever language you want to use. But, it has always ended up for the better. 

Now, I know a lot of the resistance I used to have around intuition, and letting go of the plan is having to go back to a group for re-approval of something, or having to go and get some extra budget. Or I got this plan signed off, and now I have to change it. But, I think back to the amount of times I was executing on plans that I knew were, let's say, compromised. Or, I knew, they weren't the best. But, I just couldn't be bothered going back through all that red tape again. 

But, this is our opportunity as role models to decide, “How do we do this differently?” I know there's corporate governance, and if you're thinking of a risk, or you’re a lawyer, you're probably having heart palpitations right now. I'm not saying throw out all the rules. I'm saying how do we learn to live more fluidly through them so that we can get the best outcomes, so that we don't kill ourselves in the process and find a way to get better outcomes for everyone? 

So, with those three real tools as a huge part of my toolkit. Being present, listening to that intuition by being present, and being able to access it, and holding onto expectations loosely, and being prepared to get a little messy, to be vulnerable, this is what creates containers for incredible results. And, while I may not need to pass around the box of tissues at an executive board meeting, which is what happens on retreat, I'd be so confident that anyone could use these strategies, when you know how to maximize them for incredible effect in any room. 

Whether that's sitting in a circle on retreat, whether that's sitting around a boardroom table, around a team meeting, around the dinner table, whatever it is. The more you can do these things, the more you really get to step into your power. You get to step into your full impact, and the ability to make change in the world. So, while you couldn't be there on retreat with the 11 of us, I hope you've had a beautiful insight into what happens on retreat. And, yes, there were mimosas, and there was a hot tub. 

However, what really happens there is far more precious and sacred than any of us ever realize. So, if you want to join us on a retreat, come into our programs, come into our community, and that's the best way for you to experience the magic of what we get to do, both online, and in person. Have a great day, and here's to more intuition for all of us!

OUTRO: Thank you for joining us today on the Balance and Beyond Podcast. We're so glad you carved out this time for yourself. If you enjoyed this episode, please share it with a friend who might need to hear this today. And if you're feeling extra generous, leaving us a review on your podcast platform of choice would mean the world. If you’re keen to dive deeper into our world, visit us at www.balanceinstitute.com to discover more about the toolkit that has helped thousands of women avoid burnout and create a life of balance, and beyond. Thanks again for tuning in, and we'll see you next time on the Balance & Beyond Podcast.